October 30, 2018 – the day before
Posted by admin in Past Halloweens
I realized that the day before every Halloween (or sometimes even Halloween) I ask myself… is this it for my life? I know it’s the end of the year & reflection time and blah blah blah but every time… I ask myself… this is it? Nothing major changed. Am i supposed to have some life changing revelation? And then when I don’t… I feel empty. Just days before I was so happy with everything, my life, the haunt, the scares and then when it’s “crunch time” I’m like “that’s it??” One year older and just as many unanswered questions and uncertainty. Is it worse cuz I’m having some sort of mid-life? I thought I was over this shit and accepted my impending aging? It feels like I’m still chasing after something greater and I don’t know what it is yet. All I do know is that… next year I want to do the EXACT opposite of what I did this year. I just want to leave and see haunts across the country.
I also feel like I want to quit dance (again, yes I know), and quit doing camera/PA but maybe it’s like this every year and I just forget… and then life goes back to normal. Maybe it’s just my post-holiday drop coming early and I need to fight it and not quit anything.
I just want the whole holiday to be perfect but I don’t know what that means. I have my husband here, check. The haunted house, check. we scared a shit ton of ppl there, check. Horror movies, check. Loads of candy, check. Renewing our vows tomorrow night after the haunt closes, check. So why does it feel like it’s not “perfect” and I’m not doing enough???